Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Evil On The Shelf

by Megan S.

via Gas Station Burrito
For lo these past nine years, a pestilence has been spreading to homes across our fair nation.  It creeps in on formless stockinged stumps, crouches in the corners, and embeds itself into the daily lives of families. It taunts our children and forces our mothers and fathers to lose precious sleep from Thanksgiving until Christmas.

Worst of all, it silently judges us at the behest of an old man who has never done time for the countless B&Es he's committed.

Yes, sisters and brothers, I'm talking about the Evil on the Shelf and it is high time we rise up and rid ourselves of this blight on our holiday time

by Hunted Interior via Hi Sugarplum
Why, that elf is just a loveable scamp, you say. His harmless, if off-color, pranks don't hurt no one, you say.  Untrue! Even his most harmless pranks do everlasting damage. Defecating in a jar in public is not a lesson we want to teach our children!

But, my friends, this is not the reason I'm here today.  That creature is wicked through and through and I have the proof.


source unknown
"My name is Legion, for we are many."

by the Bloggess
The Evil On The Shelf's eerie gaze can challenge even the most loathsome of beasts.

source unknown
It invades the most private of sanctums, scrawling absurd messages for our youngsters to find.

by Gregory Repice
The Evil beckons innocents...

source unknown
as it slouches toward Bethlehem.

by NikJGrim via Hi Sugarplum
No one is safe when we let the Evil into our homes.

source unknown
Not even its own kind.

by KombuchaMushroomPeop
It destroys us from within.

So join me, brothers and sisters. Rid your homes and communities of this blight. We can end Evil's tyranny and embrace the goodness of the season if we only banish the demon Elf On A Shelf!
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1 comment:

  1. *Gasps* I knew IT!!!! I knew that little elf was evil! Must. Warn. Others.