Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Fictional Beverages: Pumpkin Spice Edition

by Megan S.

The nights are getting longer, the leaves are turning on the branch, and beverages across the land are being offered in limited edition Pumpkin Spice flavor.  Yes, it's that time of year, dear reader.  It's time to add cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves to absolutely everything.  Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice frappicinos, pumpkin spice smoothies. We love it ALL.

I've tried so hard to find the original source for this comic to no avail. Anybody know?
But are we alone in our love?  Would the Pumpkin Spice trend spread to our favorite universes?

Why, I'm so glad you asked because I've put some serious thought into the matter.

Pumpkin Juice (Harry Potter) - This one's a no-brainer, folks.  It's a perfect combination.  Anything that could get kids to drink their veggie juice instead of butterbeer would have moms like Molly Weasley running to the market for some.  Pumpkin Spice pumpkin juice will take the Wizarding World by storm.

Earl Grey, Hot (Star Trek:The Next Generation) - Picard might be a little too stodgy to drink pumpkin spice flavored tea, but if Klingon cuisine has taught us anything, there's no accounting for taste in the Rodenberry universe.  Pumpkin Spice tea will definitely be a hit.  You just know Ferengi will be including it on their trades.

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) - Supposedly, Zaphod Beeblebrox's signature drink is like having "your brain smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick" so chances are anyone who tried the pumpkin spice edition won't remember whether they liked it... or their name for that matter.  This is a marketer's dream come true. Every time someone tries it will be like the first time.

Drink Me (Alice in Wonderland) -  Lewis Carol described the refreshment as tasting like "cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast."  Adding pumpkin spice to the mix totally brings it to the next level, the Thanksgiving Dinner level.  Yep, the flavor combination will be reminiscent of everyone's favorite gluttonous holiday. If Wonka can do a three-course meal gum, then Alice's Thanksgiving drink is the next logical step.

Fizzy Lifting Drink (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) - Speaking of Wonka, there's no way in hell the eccentric genius is coming out with a Pumpkin Spice Fizzy Lifting Drink.  Snozzberry sure, but Pumpkin Spice is way too pedestrian for the Candy Man.

Mudder's Milk (Firefly) - The brew purports to have "all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15 percent alcohol" and is popular with hard working folk. While Pumpkin Spice beer exists here in our universe, I'm betting Jayne and his friends would not take kindly to the addition of some froufrou flavoring to their favorite beer.  Nope this concoction won't fly soar like a leaf on the wind in this 'verse.

Slurm (Futurama) - Look.  I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you. Slurm is an extremely popular soft drink made from the anal secretions of a Wormulum Queen.  But, you know, honey is nectar barfed up and reingested multiple times by bees before it's sold on shelves and that stuff is delicious so who are we to judge?  Slurm's also highly addictive so consumers will be drinking it whether they like it or not.  This is a total win-win for marketers.

Tru Blood (True Blood) - I don't even... No.  Synthetic blood is one thing, but flavored with Pumpkin Spice is just nasty.

*You do know it's the spice combination you add to the pie, right?  There's no actual pumpkin in Pumpkin Spice.
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