Thursday, August 1, 2013

Who's in Charge Here? Genre Camp Counselors

by Kathy F.

Camp Stellar Four is not your ordinary camp, of course. Where others might hire a gaggle of high school and college kids to lead campers through the paces, here you will find only the best (and worst) that genre has to offer. It wouldn't be camp without a "Worst Counselor Ever" story.

Katniss and Merida are the dynamic duo of the archery range, while Ariel owns the pool. Tony Stark remodeled the arts and crafts room to mirror his lab (but Rapunzel keeps painting over it). The Doctor teaches physics, history and dance. Haymitch is drunk in the corner, but is the best at solving inter-camper disputes, although his methods might raise some eyebrows.

Read on for more counselors I would love to have, and that I'd love to hate.

Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer): Giles wins as my favorite counselor. His ability to coach campers in the dangerous art of dispatching evil creatures gives him major points. However, you know that wherever you find Giles, you will also find stacks upon stacks of books. Library + Camp = WIN! He is also best when it comes to sing-a-longs.

Hagrid (Harry Potter): I love Hagrid, I do, but he would not be the best counselor. I recall my counselors telling us all not to leave food in the cabins, because you didn't want to wind up with a mouse, or something slithering in to eat the mouse, in your sleeping bag. Hagrid would leave a trail of crumbs to your tent so that you too could experience the thrill of waking up to a ravenous beastie.

Daryl (Walking Dead): The go-to guy for survival skills, Daryl is good at getting the job done, teaching advanced zombie fighting techniques, and can be found at the archery range too. He also wins for the most lovesick campers.

Kate Daniels (Kate Daniels series): Sure, she would make you learn Latin, but by the end of camp you would be a baddass able to survive being dropped into almost any situation against various foes, magical or human. Or survive whatever big bad comes looking for her at camp.

Fairy Godmother (Shrek): She will give you a makeover, and leave you a puddle of insecure goo by the end of it. Also has a habit of locking campers in towers. If you are in her cabin, might be a good time to fake food poisoning.

Pam (True Blood): The model of the disaffected counselor, Pam really doesn't want to be anywhere near camp and is only doing so because her maker demanded it. If you were hoping for the cabin where you could sneak off without getting busted, then you want Pam's group. Expect quality snark and a lackadaisical attitude until she is bothered, then all hell breaks loose. Don't bother Pam.

Q (Star Trek TNG): Spend your days being tested in horrible ways all for the amusement or shadowy purposes of an enigmatic all-powerful being. On the plus side, amazing costumes. On the other hand, there's a chance not everyone from your cabin will make it.

Who's on your list for the best/worst camp counselors?

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