Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I Want You For An Evil Army

[Editor's Note: As we always strive to keep our readers informed about the new and exciting here at S4, I asked Headmistress Drake to talk about a career opportunity you may not have considered before, being an evil overlord.  There is a small chance I was hypnotized by the good evil Headmistress before I made the request but what the heck.  I think you'll be signing up for her Evil Army pretty soon anyway.]

by Headmistress Moira Drake

by Catastrophe093
At times, it's necessary to consider where you're going with your life. What are you doing with your time? Where will you be in five years? Ten?

Have you considered evil?

Oh, not the average, let's-rob-a-bank sort of evil. I'm talking about evil with style. World domination is waiting – and it's been so long since we've had a good empire.

Before you laugh and walk away, consider it; it's a job that requires no heavy lifting (you'll have minions for that), some knowledge of science (designing death rays and the like), and a potential lifetime of luxury, comfort, and extreme evil power and glory.

However, Overlording is not for everyone. To start with, if everyone took up Overlording successfully, that would come out at five or six acres of the planet per person. While that might be fine if you want to have a small farm or a nice home, Overlording is not just about land. You need people to be an Overlord over.
by Bradley W. Schenck

So another thing to consider is the less glamorous aspect of evil, and that is to become a minion. More work, less glamor, but good pay and you don't always die.

The most basic options covered, and the perks, of course, but there are some less appealing sides to evil. In our modern day society, evil is treated as something... well, evil. People don't understand the art behind it. People don't understand style.

These days, it is simply socially unacceptable to be a villain. Heroes, of course, are welcome wherever they go (provided they don't want paying). Anti-heroes, they don't do as well, but people still won't say no to their help if it's offered for a reasonable fee.

There are a number of issues facing those with maniacal tendencies. For example, people will often refuse you service at stores and restaurants if you come in wearing cloaks with collars higher than your eye-level, and armed with death/freeze/any-other-potentially deadly verb rays.

Another common problem we of the questionable morality encounter is a lack of common courtesy. We all know that it never hurts to be polite, but people have such a hard time with being kind to people who may want to plunge the world into chaos and enslave all those who haven't spent the past few years endearing themselves to the new Overlord. So you can encounter the most terrible lack of manners when threatening the lowly peasants.

Then of course, there's the matter of dry cleaning those cloaks with collars higher than your eyes...

My point is that the world we live in is just not set up to be conducive to an evil atmosphere. But don't despair, those of you who are planning on taking over the world, or at least helping those who will. There are still those of us who appreciate the fine art of heinous crimes against humanity. Not common murder, certainly not terrorism or theft, but evil with style, elegance, and really overdone weaponry.

I want you for evil army.

And, because what guest post is complete without some good self-publicity, please feel free to enroll in Moira Darke's School for Minions.

~Headmistress Darke
Pin It

1 comment:

  1. I'll just leave this here,
    followed by this, http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/101212#
    But honestly, I'd seriously be the evil overlord, I mean I was kinda born for it, ya know?
    I imagine a setup like the one in the second to last panel http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/120417