Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Where Would Our Fave SF/F Characters Go to Summer Camp? Exploring the (Fictional) Offerings

by Sara N.

Even characters in our favorite sci fi/fantasy properties have to take a vacation sometimes. So in honor of Camp Stellar Four, here are a few of the hottest summer spots for the kiddies of Westeros, Panem, the Shire, and more.

The Chudley Cannons Quidditch Camp —You love Quidditch, so why not spend the summer perfecting your game with the 21-time League Cup champions? The camp features daily Quaffle shooting practice, Bludger avoidance drills, and Snitch scrambles. Campers will also have the chance to try out different broomstick models to find the best fit. Note: The camp is not responsible for any injuries, magical or otherwise, suffered on or off the pitch.

District 1 Bootcamp — Join Panem's best and brightest killers as they hone their skills in anticipation of volunteering for next year's Hunger Games. This year's camp emphasizes edged weapons training and wilderness survival skills. Because this is one of the wealthiest districts, expect tolerable lodging and almost adequate meals. 

The instructors

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Professor Xavier's Summer School for Gifted Youngsters — Get your mutatis mutandis on at this month-long introduction to controlling your mutant powers. Immerse yourself in a bathing suit scenario in the Danger Room. Take a field trip to beautiful Muir Island. Assume control of the Lockheed Blackbird jet simulator. Use your burgeoning mutant powers to attack specially designed summer camp Sentinal piƱatas. (These training models aren't full of energy weapons, they're full of candy!) Campers will end the summer with sharper skills and a renewed sense of mutant pride. 

Syrio Forel's Bladed Weapons Academy —The best swordsmen and women of Westeros can further hone their skills through intense sparring sessions at this summer camp run by the former First Sword of Braavos. What do we say to "dancing lessons"? Yes, today!

The instructor

Battle Camp — Ender Wiggin leads young recruits on a special two-week session designed to introduce possible military recruits to the rigors of zero gravity combat. Pros: weightlessness, space suits, laser tag. Cons: hideous bullying, sadistic camp counselors, vertigo.  Bonus: A select few participants will have the opportunity to exterminate an entire civilization!

The training simulator

The instructor
The Test of High Sorcery Workshop — Spend a week with high wizard Raistlin Majere learning some helpful hints at mastering your self control in order to complete the mandatory Test of High Sorcery. A note: Failing the test leads to death, and those who do pass retain some sort of damage, either psychic or physical. This camp is an excellent opportunity to explore whether you're a serious applicant. Underdogs may have a better experience at this camp than more traditionally gifted young wizards. 

The Shire Sleepaway Camp —Revel in the gloriousness of a bucolic summer in the Shire. Tend sheep with the Hobbits. Dine on the requisite six meals a day. Learn to savor pipe-weed. Campers will be assigned their own hobbit hole and can engage in as few or as many agrarian activities as they wish. One note: Campers are required to leave all jewelry at home for the duration of their stay.

The accommodations

The training equipment

Lady Jessica's Gom Jabbar Prep Course — All aspiring Bene Gesserit acolytes must undergo the Gom Jabbar Test of Humanity. Under the tutelage of a Reverend Mother, you will learn to enhance your awareness and endure extreme physical pain. In your off hours, you'll have an immersive anthropological summer leaning how, exactly, the spice flows. Plus, you can enjoy the beautiful beaches of Arrakis. 

Just kidding. There's no water on Arrakis.

Time and Relative Dimensions in Summer Camp —Rated the No. 1 camp counselor in the multiverse, The Doctor has adventures aplenty for you. Let the TARDIS whisk you away to a planet where the surf is always up and the sun is always warm. Just watch out for Oods. Oods always spell trouble. 

Best. Camp counselor. Ever.
So which camp would you choose for your kids ... or yourself?
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  1. Hobbit camp sounds very appealing, although Quidditch and having a Time Lord as your counselor are also big draws...

  2. I want to go to TARDIS Camp! I'd opt for Quidditch camp, but I suspect even magical, geeky sports don't agree with me.