Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Of Monsters and PB&Js

by Megan S.

Nothing ruins a perfectly good fantasy like the "heroine every monster wants to nibble on" cliche.  She's so desired!  She's so delicious!  No one can keep their hands off of her!  Borrrrring.  It's also unrealistic.  I mean, really.  Monsters are better than that.  They may have self control issues sometimes, but, at the very least, not everything that goes bump in the night shares the same taste in snacks. 

Just what am I prattling on about, you ask? I'm in the midst of reading an otherwise entertaining new novel, The Shambling Guide to New York City by Mur Laferty, but I'm having difficulty keeping my eyes on the page because of all my involuntary eye rolling.  In it, every homovore* wants a piece of main protagonist Zoë.  Our heroine is under constant threat of being eaten by the local Manhattan monsters (the politically correct term is "coterie") despite of threats of retribution and death if they're caught even though she's nothing special snack-wise.
via Justin Smith
I find this type of storyline hard to swallow** for a number of reasons, not the least of which because it's completely illogical. Think about it.  Let's say Zoë is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  A PB&J isn't particularly exciting but it can definitely hit the spot when you're starving.  However, not every omnivore enjoys that particular type of sandwich or, actually, any sandwich at all.  Some people would rather have soup for lunch.  And, good news for them, with over 1.5 million other potential meals in Manhattan, there's no need to settle for a PB&J.  Even if a significant portion of the population would love a peanut butter and jelly sammy, a good number of 'em will decline if they're told they'll face the death penalty for noshing on one.***  Of course, there will be those hungry folks who find a PB&J more enticing because of the thrill of getting away with a crime but I digress.  On the whole, most people aren't going to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwich just because it's in their immediate vicinity.

What I'm trying to say, kids, is that most monsters will refrain from munching on our girl Zoë.  I think it's high time to retire this cliche.  How about you?

*Homovore probably isn't a real word, but what else do you call something whose diet consists solely of humans?
**Pun totally intended.
*** Sure, there's the whole argument as to whether or not capital punishment is an effective crime deterrent but this is neither the time nor the place for that, buddy.
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  1. I'm with you. Way over done cliche.

  2. Homovore is my new favorite word. Although I can see it being misconstrued pretty quick...

    To the main point, I agree.