Friday, March 8, 2013

The 14 Genre Actors We Need on Our Televisions Now

by Sara N.

Maybe it's the parasocial bond talking, but there are some actors I miss seeing on my television on the regular. Hey, Hollywood types: I've made a convenient list for you. Let's get these people back on TV — or land them their first major TV gigs — stat.

You win a daisy if you can guess who's first on my list.

Lee Pace — Sooooo I may or may not have been watching the final Twilight movie last night, and the pie-maker from Pushing Daisy may or may not have shown up as the word's tallest, most deliciously scruffy vampire. He simply must start appearing again on our nation's televisions every week. I'm thinking a 1960s-set period piece on a cable channel so he can curse and wear crisp suits. Does Mad Men need a new ad man? (Side note: Seriously, look at him. A vampire who looks like that can do anything he wants in the sun: sparkle, emit lasers, turn into a rotating disco ball. Anything.)

Gillian Anderson — I know the former Agent Scully is all about Masterpiece Theater-type projects now, but can we get her a gig as a matriarch of a rough-and-tumble family in some Southern state on an ABC network dramedy?

Dean Caine — He was adorable in Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. He's now stuck in Lifetime channel-style movie hell. Let's make him Gillian Anderson's husband in her country-fried TV show. I mean, look up and then look down. They both like crossing their arms. It's a match made in primetime heaven.

Kristin Bell — Ms. Bell needs to meet Mr. Whedon. Having him develop a series around her is the only way she can match the sharp writing on Veronica Mars. I don't care that she's doing movies now; let's get her into a meeting with Joss and get that TV show rolling.

Adam Baldwin — Chuck knew just how to use the Firefly star's taciturn toughness. It's time for a show that pushes Jayne out of his element, forcing him to put down his guns and tune into his emotions, Ghost Whisperer-style.

Anna Torv — I know Fringe just ended, but I don't want to waste any time getting her another gig. Wouldn't you like to see her in something funny and a bit lighter? She'd be great in a role that lets her bring some Fauxlivia to it. (And what of Joshua Jackson, you ask? Rather than rush him back to television, I vote to let him focus on movies for now. It's the only way he'll achieve his potential as our generation's George Clooney.)

Josh Holloway — It's time for Holloway to shave his stubble and leave the Island for good. I'm thinking something sunny and comedic for him. Maybe a con artist comedy on NBC? Yes, Sawyer was a con artist, too, but let's make this character confident and golden, rather than growly and glowering.

Enver Gjokaj — He was brilliant in Dollhouse. Brilliant. Since then, he's mostly played guest starring roles as Slavic bad guys, which is a shocking underutilization of his immense talents. I say we pair him with Holloway for a buddy con show that will let him trot out his chameleon-like acting week after week.

Missi Pyle — She's been a guest star and a supporting actress in so many shows and films (didn't you love her in Galaxy Quest?), and it's time to build something around her sharp comic timing and hilariously rubbery face. Let's develop a TBS sitcom where she's a dog groomer for the stars, giving her plenty of people and animal to drive batty.

Connor Trineer — I loved me some Tripp from Star Trek: Enterprise, and he's managed to land fairly steady work guest starring in police/legal procedurals since them. Let him headline his own show; he'd shine as a down-and-out PI who stumbles onto a conspiracy involving the town's power brokers. Maybe there could even be a femme fatale to string him along. (Paging T'Pol!)

Seth MacFarlane, but only when he's singing — I'm not a Family Guy fan, and I find Seth McFarlane the writer/producer/voice actor barely tolerable. But when he croons torch songs, I melt. Give him 15 minutes once a week on, like, VH1 to teach the younglings what the classics sound like. Maybe it'll keep him too busy to host any more awards shows. (Side note: I was gobsmacked to learn that MacFarlane was on two episodes of Enterprise. Seriously, I want to hate him, but 4 percent of his personality makes him redeemable.)

Allison Mack — Her Chloe quickly became the only watchable part of Smallville, and it's an injustice that Kristin "Dead Eyes" Kreuk is headlining a CW show while Mack is stuck guest starring on FX's Willard.  Let's get her her own hourlong drama, perhaps as a cool older sister/mentor to a group of young interns at a political lobbying firm. Or maybe she could apply for any upcoming vacancies in HBO's Newsroom. She's rock some Sorkin dialogue.

Anna Kendrick — I know she's well on her way to being a big fancy movie stah, but she's so funny and likable that she'd be a welcome guest on your television every week. Can we get her, Kristin Bell and Anna Torv to star in a Joss-penned comedy about three undercover spies tasked with completing a different assignment every week? It's not Charlie's Angels. It's Joss' Angels.

Bart the Bear Jr. — Admit it: You'd watch a show about a psychic bear detective just as hard as I would.

Who's on your list? Who did I forget? And aren't you dying to rewatch Lois & Clark and/or Veronica Mars and/or Pushing Daisies now? Let me know in the comments!

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  1. Fuck Anna torv.

  2. It's the absolute pinnacle of class to not only insult an actor for no good reason, but to do so anonymously.


  3. "It's time for Holloway to shave his stubble"

    Bite your tongue! There will be NO touching of the stubble OR scruff on my watch thank you very much.

    1. Ha! OK, I respect that. Now, the next question: Hair long or short?

    2. 95% of the time clean shaven and short. But on him, I dig the scruffy and sorta collar length.

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