Monday, November 5, 2012

10 WTF Twilight Etsy Products

by Megan S.

Dawn is about to break, y'all.  Or... the second half of daybreak?  Look, I don't know how it works exactly but what I mean to say is we're just ten days away from Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2's big release.  It's the end of the saga!  The end of a sparkling theatrical era until they probably do a remake in two years!

Breaking Dawn's opening also means I had a totally legitimate excuse to go find the most incredible, most wondrous, most mind-numbingly WTF-iest Twilight-themed handmade goods to share with you.  And, people, let me tell you, Etsy did not disappoint.

Look at baby doll Renesmee's widdle fangs! Isn't she the most precious vampire terror you've ever seen?

This Minimalist Edward doll fashioned out of a clothespin and a beige pipe cleaner (scenery not included) is a steal at $20!  But, if you ask me, that's not everyone's favorite baby daddy.  The hair is a dead giveaway that this is actually Minimalist Conan O'Brien.

This holly jolly Christmas wreath will proclaim to all who see it that your sole wish for this holiday season is to be turned into a member of the undead!

Try tearing yourself away Amigurumi Jacob's penetrating stare and glancing down to appreciate his crocheted abdominal muscles and man boobs.

Could there be anything more creepy than a mother dressing her newborn daughter in this outfit?

Why, yes, dressing your toddler in a t-shirt declaring that she be unconditionally bound to someone is, in fact, creepier than a Baby Bella waiting for her Baby Edward.

If this Twilight-themed taxidermy charm bracelet featuring real teeth and claws doesn't melt your heart, the rusty key will at least lock your jaw with Tetanus!

You know how I like to pin my hair back? With a teeny tiny Jacob and his huge pectoral muscles, of course!

You know I had to save the best for last.  This art piece is entitled, "Why Edward Really Stayed with Bella."  It's a "used" tampon in a "blood filled" china tea cup.  Don't worry if this listing has already been snatched up.  The seller has at least ten more tampon tea sets ready to mail out!

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1 comment:

  1. I used to work at a bookstore and got to experience the madness that was a Stephanie Meyer booksigning. She took audience questions and one just happened to be how Edward was able to hang out with/stalk Bella during her time of the month. According to Ms. Meyer menstrual blood is "dead" and therefore unappealing to vampires. Thank you for providing a perfect opportunity to relate this story.

    Also, that Edward/Conan doll is amazing.