Monday, August 20, 2012

Your New Fictional Fantastic Birthstone

by Megan S.

Via the American Gem Society. Click here for more info on each stone.
No matter how sparkly gems are, your birthstone can seem a bit pedestrian after a while.*  But what if you could have something different?  Something fantastic?  Something literally out of this world to mark the celebration of you coming into this world?   As of now, you do.

I've consulted oracles, researched in ancient libraries, and toiled away to create a brand new collection of twelve fantasy birthstones, all guaranteed to be better than peridot.  Discover which one is yours and what the stone says about you. 

*Or maybe that's just mine.  Face it, peridot looks like crystallized snot and who wants a booger stone on every birthday related trinket?

January -  Gem of Amara (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

The Gem of Amara is the stuff of legends and so are you.  The highly sought after stone grants  vampires the ability to walk in sunlight unharmed and survive stakes to the heart.  People born in January can accomplish the unbelievable.

February - Dilithium (Star Trek)

For those born in February, the sky is most definitely not the limit.  Dilithium crystals allow spaceships like the USS Enterprise to traverse the stars, boldly going where no human has gone before and so can you.  Also like Dilithium, you are a rare commodity who helps others reach new heights.

March - Dark Crystal Shard (Dark Crystal)

In a world where all is not peaceful, the Dark Crystal shard holds the promise of salvation.  Just like your birthstone, you have the ability to unite warring factions and bring tranquility to your community.  It may be difficult to get to where you belong, but once you find your niche, you will bring about great things.

April - Lightsaber Crystal (Star Wars)

Lightsaber crystals are the core piece of a Jedi's most trusted weapon.  Each one is unique and each can be wildly different than the next, but without one a lightsaber cannot function.  Like their birthstones, those born in April are unique and the heart of every group to which they belong.

May -  Kryptonite (Superman)

Sure, Kryptonite has a bad reputation in certain circles but it's just as amazing as any of the stones on this list. Not every Kryptonian who was off-planet at the time of it's demise is as benevolent as Clark Kent.  General Zod?  Total super villain who could be easily defeated with your birthstone.  Bonus: exposure to the radiated material gives some humans super powers. Sure, a lot of time it also turned them into raving nut jobs, but we all go a little mad sometimes, right?

Alright.  Fine.  Kryptonite is the peridot of fictional fantastic birthstones.

June - Dark Matter (Futurama)

People born in in the month of June are just as mysterious and highly prized as their birthstone.  The precious and rare material fuels starships in their adventures in the final frontier.  Sure, dark matter is actually poop but so is honey and that stuff is delicious.  Besides, your mundane birthstone is a pearl and that's just oyster spit surrounding a piece of grit.  Dark matter is waaay more exciting and so are you!  Anyway, be glad you weren't born a month earlier or you would have ended up with Kryptonite.  Those poor people have it rough.

July - Eyes of the Goa'uld (Stargate SG-1)

The Eyes of the Goa'uld are both ancient and futuristic.  Like the gems, those born in July may be small but each are powerful.  However, their true capability is only unleashed when they work together.  The Eyes and children of July are a force to be reckoned with.

August - Miniature Galaxy (Men In Black)

Not everything is what it appears to be.  This is certainly true for the galaxy on Orion's belt and those born in the eighth month.  People may have a tendency to underestimate your worth, but inside you contain untold possibilities just like the miniature galaxy the Arquillian's were willing to wage a war over.

Also, you have an affinity for cats.

September - Sankara Stone (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)

The dull brown stones may see modest, but the bullet shaped birthstones promise fortune and glory to those who possess them.  September's children are a lucky group with a life of adventure and Harrison Ford ahead of them.

October - Unobtanium - (Avatar)

There's nothing quite like unobtanium and there's nothing quite like you.  No matter what fictional universe, people will go to great lengths to obtain the unattainable, even pilot ten foot tall peaceful blue-skinned beings to get to the precious mineral.  Make sure you are a force for good because there will always be people looking for ways to take advantage of you.

November - Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

One of the most famous and sought-after stones on the list, the Sorcerer's Stone (also known as the Philosopher's Stone) has the ability to grant immortality and turn metal into gold.  Those born in November also possess the ability to take the mundane and turn it into something wondrous.

December - Arkenstone (The Hobbit)

Easily the most beautiful birthstone in the group, the Arkenstone is also known as the Heart of the Mountain.  Like the highly prized family heirloom, December's children shine with their own inner light as well as reflect the light from their surroundings and make it more appealing.  Everyone born in May is secretly jealous of those born in the twelfth month.
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  1. Those of us born in May will use our Kryptonian powers to steal the Arkenstones from Decemberists.

  2. Those of us born in April feel ripped off! A lightsaber gem? Compared to the Arkenstone or the Sorcerer's Stone or a miniature galaxy? Boring! As are diamonds, actually -- I always wanted a May birthday, so I could have the pretty green jewelry instead.

    1. I'm an April, too, and I was always jealous of January's garnets. Now I covet December ...

  3. Ha! Opals are still the best.

  4. "*Or maybe that's just mine. Face it, peridot looks like crystallized snot and who wants a booger stone on every birthday related trinket?"

    Hah! Funny you mention that, as my sister (also born in August) had a short-lived nose piercing in the 90s that she let close up because too many people mistook her favorite stud, which was her birthstone, for a booger stuck to the side of her nose.

  5. Haha! I'm in November! I can make gold from nothing! :D

  6. Megan! First I get put into Slytherin House. And I'm owning that shit. We're just ambitious, not evil (mostly). But now you have me toting Kryptonite around? What if I want to get to know Henry Cavill better? (I do!) There's a limit, Megan.

    ...then again, should I decide to go evil villain, I could leverage the Kryptonite as a weapon...

    1. But, but, you look so pretty in green!

      I solemnly swear I never thought you'd end up in Slytherin when I forced you to be sorted nor did I intentionally assign you Kryptonite. I think the universe is trying to tell you something...

  7. Dude, first, my November birthstone looks like pee, and now my November birthstone looks like someone has a really REALLY bad UTI.

    1. AHAHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA! I laughed out loud for a minute straight when I read this.

  8. This is hecka cool! Well done!