Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Rules

One of my favorite zombie movies is the hilarious and brilliant Zombieland. The main character, Columbus, lives by a list of rules he's made in order to survive the new zombie wasteland he finds himself in. These rules are smart and help him live to panic another day. Columbus is basically my hero.

While these rules are awesome and form the backbone of my own personal zombie survival strategies, the zombies aren't here yet. Life, currently, is its usual mix of miserable and mundane things we have to do. The shambling, rotting hordes have not yet arrived. Are Columbus' rules still applicable in a non-zombie setting?

You bet your sweet Twinkie-loving ass they are. The rules, while geared toward zombies, are also fabulous and flawless advice for our everyday lives. While some are less applicable (rule #2, double tap, for example), some are important things we should keep in mind every so often.

Follow me after the jump if you want to live (a better, happier life, that is)!

Rule #1. Cardio: According to Elle Woods exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy ("happy people don't kill their husbands"). It may sound cheesy, but exercise really does help your general mood and well being. A just released study says that spending the entirety of your day sitting down can lessen your life by up to seven years and cause a host of health problems. In this sedentary modern life we lead, it's important to get up once in awhile, take a walk around the block, ride a bike, etc. Cardio isn't just useful for outrunning zombies!

Rule #4. Seat belts: Buckling up isn't just the law, it's also common sense. Unless the idea of being hurled out the windscreen of your car at sixty miles an hour appeals to you. Seat belts save lives. Wear yours, make sure your passengers wear theirs, and get one for your dog if he takes car rides, too. Sure, seat belts are uncomfortable (especially if you're a girl and have to somehow maneuver them around your boobs), but a little bit of discomfort is way better than being scraped off the pavement.

Rule #7. Travel light: If you're anything like me, a weekend get away usually involves carting around half of your wardrobe. It becomes insane after a certain point. A handy tip I try to use when I pack for a trip is to figure out a color theme and stick with it. If I plan on wearing mostly navy, I can plan ahead and only bring items that go with that color. Why bother bringing a pair of shoes and an extra top just so you can wear a brown skirt, when you can plan ahead to wear a black one and bring one pair of shoes you can wear with every outfit you bring.

Rule #8. Get a kickass partner: Friends make the world go around. Keep yours close. It's always good to have a solid group of people who have your back and can help you bury any bodies. I mean, uh, who can help you ... bury ... any ... um ... things that are definitely NOT bodies.

Rule #18. Limber up: I find this to count for body AND mind. Stand up and stretch every so often. Do some Sudoku puzzles. Keep yourself sharp. It will pay off one day.

Rule #33. Enjoy the little things: The most important rule on this list. In this fast, frantic, basically insane modern world we live in, it's easy to get caught up in annoying trivialities. It's so easy for things to spiral out of control. Find something you enjoy, something that makes you happy, and run with it. Whether it's taking a break from your hectic day to check Pinterest, coming home to watch a great cartoon or TV show or even cooking (Tallahassee suggests learning how to make Twinkies). It's the little things that keep us sane.

Rule #48. Hygiene: Please. Just ... please.

Do you think Columbus' rules apply to your every day life? See a rule I didn't pick? Let me know in comments! Are there any other zombie survival tips you think could also work as good advice?
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  1. #3 Beware of Bathrooms - Generally I've found fast food places to have better restrooms than gas stations unless it's a travel center that gets a lot of trucker traffic.

    #20 It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint. - prepare for the long term, but be ready to jump if the opportunity comes along. Or rampaging zombies are on your ass.

    #31.Check the back seat. Yep, I can't get into the car without checking the back first.

    1. So, I, too, check the backseat. However, I look in the mirror THEN I do a manual check because vampires.

    2. That's just common sense right there.

    3. See, I check the backseat from outside the vehicle... Before I even get into neck chomping distance (and that goes for vampires as well as zombies). The mirror check is to make sure I'm still fabulous ;P