Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What's Your Name?

Come on, Lurch! Load Twitter! Don't give me that look!
"Come ON, Lurch!" was something a coworker heard me shout in exasperation today. My iPhone was refusing to load my Twitter feed. Yes, folks. My iPhone has a name, and I call him by it all the time.

I am one of many who, for whatever reason, names inanimate objects. I couldn't tell you why I do it, but I can't help giving things a name to call them by. My iPhone is nearly grafted to my hand. I sleep with it, for god's sake. Of course I had to give it a name! It's nearly sentient as is!

I chose the name Lurch because I felt that my iPhone was almost the equivalent of a modern day digital butler. What better butler and manservant than the Addam's Family's loyal Lurch? A theme developed and now any Apple product I own gets an Addam's Family name. My iPod Touch is Gomez. Why? Well, why the hell not?

People name weird things. My sister named her Ford Focus Skynet, a friend of mine named his guitar Virginia. Even my sensible mother does it, she calls her Honda Bessie. After being mocked by my coworker for naming a hunk of plastic and glass, I searched on the interwebs to see if there was a reason why I felt the desire to name everything. Turns out, there are lots of theories but no real concrete answer.

I turn it over to you, dear reader. Do you name your inanimate objects? Why do you do it? 

For me, I feel there is a level of anthropomorphizing that goes on. I bond with an object and, therefor, feel the need to name it. My laptop is Javier and he "lives" on my desk. Yes people, in my house, items live places. The tea cups live in the cabinet, my shoes live in my closet. Hold up any object and I won't tell you where it goes, but where it lives. Oh, you need a spoon? Those live in the drawer right there. I am well aware how crazy this is. Or is it?

So does your phone have a name or is it just your phone? Do you believe in naming inanimate objects? Or are all of us object naming people just insane? Yes, my friends, it is time for a discussion! Weigh in in comments and let's see if we can't shed some light on this interesting habit! 
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14 comments:

  1. Our trash can is named Oscar. I would feel weirder about that, except it's battery-operated and opens up when you hold something over it, and one of my friends put google-eyes stickers on it when she was visiting, so...well, it has a face. How can you not name something that has a face?

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  2. My MacBook is named Red Delicious. I thought it was funny but I get odd looks when I take it back to the Apple store when I'm having a problem. You see, it's in a clear red case and the apple glows red when it's on like wacky kryptonite. I don't think most people realize that's a name for a variety of the fruit.

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  3. I name things constantly! My iPhone is Mo (After a that cute robot in Wall-E that was always cleaning). My Car is Maize (Though for some reason when she is misbehaving I call her by her full name, which is Mazalene). I also excuse myself or apologize when I bump into or drop inanimate objects...

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  4. My car is named Dory. When I worked for Geek Squad, my Geekmobile was named Luci (short for Lucifer, that car was evil). My PCs all have names since you have to name them when you install the OS for the first time. My GPS is just "The bitch" because of the condescending tone she uses when I miss a turn and she has to recalculate my route.

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    1. My GPS is judgmental, too. Chauncy does NOT like it when I miss an exit.

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    2. ROFL! I came here to tell a story about a GPS named "The Bitch" as well.

      I was in Vegas with my friends Carla and Sirena, and Carla was driving us around, using her GPS to navigate. Las Vegas's streets are so fucked up and weird that a GPS is almost useless. So, we'd pass the street The Bitch wanted and she'd be like, "In 200 feet, turn... At the next street, make a U turn." Over and over again in this snooty 'you never listen to me, dumbass' voice. Useless!

      The three of us were finally yelling, "SHUT UP, BITCH!" whenever she'd correct a direction she'd never even finished making. Unfortunately, we couldn't figure out how to turn it off. So, we pulled over and stuck the GPS in the trunk. We could still hear her correcting us from the trunk! In this snooty, muffled voice, she was still trying to dictate. We imagined getting pulled over and a cop hearing someone from the trunk giving imperious directions. Nobody could blame us for tossing her in the boot, man, she was pretty snarky.

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  5. I name almost everything. Laptop: Gus, Phone: Kermit, Zune: Donatella, Pillow pet: George, the coconut carved to look like a monkey that I got on the Weezer Cruise? Yup, he's got a name, too. Fitzwilliam.

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    1. The guy who had my cubicle before me named his phone Walrus and his bottom desk drawer Nifelheim. I need to think of a name for the tape dispenser now.

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  6. My iPhone is LittleWench. Because it's pretty much an extension of my brain.

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  7. My phone is named Tron because he fights for the users. Laptop is Nova and desktop is Ares, both named roughly the same time for characters in a story that is backburnered right now.

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  8. Lesse. My laptop is Wampa, my iPod is Tauntaun. (Previous computers have been Dr. Spaceman and Willow. My previous iPod was Maynard [as in James Keenan from Tool.]) My USB drive is Northman, as in Eric; the previous one was Joanie, as in Holloway. My silver Ford Focus with a "science" spaceship decal (you know, the one that looks like a Jesus fish) is just "my spaceship."

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  9. My laptop is named Wash (because of my screenname and my love of Tudyk). I love it and it loves me.

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  10. We have two cars in our household, but only one (the P.T. Cruiser) has a name. When we were considering buying it, we were also looking at a weird-green-colored Pontiac Vibe. I say weird-green, but it really was the color of green snot. I told my husband that if he really wanted to get that car, I would either call it Snot or Kermit. Instead, we have a purple Cruiser that my mother-in-law named Barney. I can more easily live with having a car named after a singing dinosaur than I think I could have with a snot-colored car.

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