Monday, March 5, 2012

Baby Got Bustle

by Megan S.

via Strazor
Did you ever notice that Sir Mix-a-Lot's rap, Baby Got Back, depicting his ideal woman, describes one that sounds a lot like a Victorian lady wearing a corset and bustle?  An "itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face?"  Well, I did and it made me wonder.  Just what would a free verse Steampunk version of the infamously naughty tune read like if it were written in the mid to late 1800s? 

Well, here goes nothing.

Female voice over:
Oh my, Rebecca.  Gaze upon her bustle.
It is so distasteful.  She appears to be
One of those steampunks' dalliances.
\But who can understand the workings of the minds of those rakes?
They only wish to speak intimately with her because
via Chronographia
She looks like a fallen woman!
Her bustle is just so large.
I can hardly believe it's so round.
It's distasteful.  Look!
She's just so... scandalous!

Sir Mix-a-Lot:
I appreciate generously proportioned bustles and I cannot tell a lie.
Gentlemen, do not deny the legitimacy of my claim
When a lady enters with a pleasingly small waist
And an exaggerated bustle in one's countenance, one's brass fittings become strained.
One cannot help but notice her dress was supported
Under the layers of silk that adorned her lovely form.
I am smitten and cannot tear my eyes away.
Oh dear, I wish to court you
and commission a Daguerreotype.
My chums attempted to warn me
However, your bustle has me flustered!
Oh, bustle of the finest fabrics of the Orient!
You intimated you would like a ride on my airship?
Well, join me, join me.
You are no common urchin;
I have seen them frolic.
To hell with romance.
She's fetching, arresting,
Like the propellers of a dirigible.
I'm vexed by ladies' periodicals
Declaring slim silhouettes to be stylish.
Take the average gentleman and question him if
Young ladies look bewitching in bustles.
So, gents? (Yes!)  Gents? (Yes!)
Does your love have a bustle? (Without question!)
Request she display it! (Display it!) Display it! (Display it!)
Display that well-structured bustle!
My dear has bustle!

(Notting Hill countenance with a Liverpool bustle.)
My dear has bustle!
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  1. You could almost have left in the "you get sprung" line. It's a steampunk reference, right? LOL, this is great, and *where* can I get a corset like that?!

  2. Now I'll be singing my dear got bustle in my sleep!

  3. That corset is seriously gorgeous.

  4. I'm still catching up with all that I've missed over the past few months.
    I think a neo-feminist steampunk bustle would be powered by moxibustion.
    @Ginevra: I must ask, is "Ginevra" really a combo of Ginebra and Minerva?