Monday, January 23, 2012

Genre Characters You Should Never Name Your Kid After

by Megan S., Sara N., and Laurie K.


Earlier this month, a French couple was taken to court because the two named their child after The Vampire Diaries's Damon Salvatore, the bitter and ultra-violent vampire who murdered countless innocents for over a century.  The parents added an "e" to their little boy's name because, supposedly, "Daemon" sounded more French but The Vampire Diaries fans were prosecuted under the law that prevents children for being given names contrary to their interests.  However, the French courts ultimately sided with the parents.

Giving your kid a moniker that just happens to be a synonym for demon is definitely eye-roll worthy but there are so many worse possible scifi and fantasy characters you can name your progeny after.

So, of course, we had to come up with a list of our own.




Every single character on Lost - With the exception of Michael and maybe Desmond, is there anybody on that island that didn't do something horrible or have a ginormous character flaw like being completely bonkers?  Worse still, all of the original characters died in a variety of odd and sometimes unsatisfying ways both on and off the island and were trapped in purgatory or whatever it was Jacob was going on about with the wine bottle. - Megan

All of the Black Dagger Brotherhood, both for their ridiculous leather-wearing, rap music-loving, embarrassing slang-using selves, and for all of the H's: Phury, Rhage, Vishous, Tohrment, etc. Also, Butch. - Sara

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Sure, sure, sure.  She "saved the world... a lot" but Joss Whedon gave her that name for a reason.  It's almost impossible to take anyone named Buffy seriously.  Besides, she could be so whiny. - Megan


I used to think that naming a daughter Arya from Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire would be fantastic, until it occurred to me that I don't know what GRRM has planned for her. There's always the chance that he'll murder her terribly, which would be a bummer for a namesake.  - Sara

Stefan from The Vampire Diaries - Come on, if there's anybody worse on VD, it's Damon's brother Stefan.  He takes being a ethically conflicted vampire to a whole new, extremely lackluster level. - Megan

Come to think of it, any character from an incomplete series where people could die screaming might not be a good idea. Amy from The Passage is a cool character, but what will happen to her over the next two books? Shaun and Georgia Mason from the Newsflesh series are both fantastic characters, but ... well, zombies are hungry creatures, you know? - Sara

I feel compelled to add that people who name their child Edward, Bella, or Jacob are okay - I mean, people could do that for completely innocuous, non-Twilight related reasons.  On the other hand, anyone who names their kid Renesme needs to be hung up out in the yard for 20 lashes. - Laurie


Which characters do you think should be added to the list?
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12 comments:

  1. Hey, I gotta object about Stefan being lackluster. Especially with the way he is this season. I love Darth Stefan.

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    1. I'll give yo this season but one and two? SNOREFEST! "I'm sooo conflicted! You can tell because I alternate my facial expressions between pensive and pained!"

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    2. True. However, to be fair, when you realized why he was so conflicted? Well, it was something fairly large. That whole "I'm a bloodaholic serial killer" thing is kind of tough on relationships. At least Angel had that whole losing his soul thing for an excuse.

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  2. None of the main characters of LOST died in a plane crash.

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    1. Ah, good point. They died, but in a variety of creative (and non-creative) ways not involving the original crash. Thanks, and corrected!

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  3. About three years after I named my son, I did a Google search for his name, comfortably thinking it was so unusual that no one else would have it, and discovered that it was already claimed by a murdered kid. A semi-famous murdered kid, too--one of those particularly brutal crimes--not just your everyday murder victim. Alas.

    Argh, and I just looked it up to find out if that was still the top result for the name and found another dead kid with the name! Eeesh. It almost makes me wish I'd named him Edward. Almost.

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  4. Wyndes, did Google say that one thing about the thing that did that thing? That be hilarious, especially after that one thing happened that time when he did a thing ... thing thing vague thing thing.

    Gah! Why even bring up your son's name if you're not going to say what it is? I'm going to assume you named him Willow (and let you guess whether I think it comes from the dwarf or the gay witch).

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    1. ...says the person too wussy to attribute their comment to their online name.

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  5. Really, you think MICHAEL of all people is the one character in Lost who has no flaw? I disagree! I mean, he shot several people to get his kid back? Including one very likeable character he only shot so people wouldn't know it was him.
    What's wrong with Hurley? Not that I would name my kid Hurley... but what's wrong with the character? I quite like him. And I like Sun, too (mostly). And Jin.

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    1. AUGH! Why did I have to change what I wrote about Lost at the last minute? I meant Walt. WALT. AUGH!

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    2. I agree with you, Desiree. Hurley was the BEST. Plus, you could go with Hugo, if you wanted.

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