Sex with a vampire may sound romantic but is it a good idea? It rarely seems to turn out well. When Bella and Edward finally have chilled sparkly sex, it results in her being beaten FROM THE INSIDE. Angel and Buffy? His true moment of post-coital happiness brings about the return of sadistic Angelus. But despite all of the carnal carnivore canon, the allure of performing the Transylvanian Tumble with a child of the night is still pretty... enthralling.
Whatever your decision is when the opportunity arises,* Planned Parenthood wants you to know how to protect yourself from centuries old STDs. Here's what the national sexual reproductive health care provider has to say about doin' the undead deed:
Let’s face it: vampires can rack up a lot of sexual partners over the years. Your vampire might be the same age as you, or she or he might be thousands of years old. But no matter how old you are, if you’re going to jump into bed with a vampire, you’re going to need more than a clove of garlic to protect your health.Geez, have human/vampire booty call buddies ever turned out to be a good thing? Give us examples of famous twosomes and how it turned out in the comments!
Here are some things to think about before you enter into a sexual relationship with a vampire:
• Vampires might be immortal, but you’re not. It’s important for both vampires and humans to get tested for STDs. Use this tool to find out if you should get tested for STDs.
• Ladies, just because a vampire says he can’t get you pregnant*, it doesn’t mean he can’t give you an STD. And guys, just because a vampire says she’s on the pill, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get an STD. Use a condom correctly every time.
• Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of the moment to bring up safer sex. Vampires have been known to “glamour” people to get their way, so play it safe and make it clear that you won’t have sex without protection right from the start.
Remember, a vampire who doesn't care about protecting your health is not the kind of vampire that you want to get involved with. Not sure if you’re dating the right vampire? We can help you figure it out.
* Let’s not forget, Edward got Bella pregnant in the Twilight series, going against hundreds of years of vampire lore. So even if your vampire tells you he can’t get you pregnant, why risk it? Condoms are not only a great way to prevent STDs, they’re effective at preventing pregnancy. Even better, use a condom along with another birth control method.
*I get bonus points for double puns, right?