Friday, August 19, 2011

The Geek's Guide to Back to School

by Sara N.
Is there anything finer than school supplies? Photo by pepo at stock.xchng

You've seen the signs: Rows of notebooks and folders and pencils and binders in the stores. Commercials touting the lowest prices on jeans, shoes, pens and backpacks. Kids exchanging their summertime swimsuits for school-regulation PE clothes.

My friends, another school year is about to begin.

Perhaps you're heading back to the classroom yourself, or perhaps your adorable moppets are lacing up their gym shoes and running for their bus stops. But the new school year doesn't mean you need to abandon the geek sensibilities you spent all summer cultivating. Behold, a plethora of products for you or your offspring to carry proudly into the classroom.

It's no surprise that Think Geek has many, many products that could grace your dorm room or locker. The Lego alarm clock would take some of the sting out of getting up in time for that 8 a.m. class, and the caffeinated shower soap will let you multitask by getting clean and alert at the same time.

I bet they're painful if you step on them in the dark.
Yes, but will you smell Zestfully clean?

Better living through science!

One of the coolest school supply innovations over the last few years has to be the staple-less stapler. Honestly, it makes me want to collate unrelated papers, just to magically merge them without those pesky metal bits.

Might help with locked doors, too.
While you're pondering office supplies, I do think you ought to pick up a sonic screwdriver pen. Perhaps it'll help your essays look more fully researched on the inside. If you've got an office supply fetish (and let's be honest, most of us do), Think Geek has tons of other pens: light sabers, Legos, spycams, disappearing ink. You can completely outfit your desk!

Naturally, you'll want the coolest lunchbox in the cafeteria, but today's offerings just don't have the magic of the metal embossed numbers from the '80s. (Off topic question for other children of the '80s: Sure, the thermoses were super cool, but did you actually use them to transport liquid? I never, ever did.) You can find plenty of websites that sell nostalgic lunchboxes; unfortunately, some of them cost so much that you won't be able to afford any food to put in them. There are some (relatively) cheap ones out there if you want to get your nostalgia on, though. For $30 or less, you can score a Dark Crystal, Masters of the Universe, E.T. or classic Sesame Street.
I would not pay $335 for this.

I might pay $60 for this.

Got a locker to decorate or a dorm wall to cover? You could re-imagine the U.S. presidents as monster-fighting machines. Jason Heuser's Etsy store is selling posters of Lincoln taming a grizzly, Washington fighting zombies and TR taking on Bigfoot, among others. I know of no better way to impress that cutie you've got your eye on in biology class.

I cannot tell a lie: Washington's good with a head shot.
I assume one of them can carry your bag.

Finally, we come to the backpack. I could list dozens of geek-friendly bags, but instead I'll highlight one. Why not announce your plans for world domination and start interviewing possible employees right away with this backpack from Bonanza?

Bonus for teachers: Letter grades are so last year. Why not give students a Like or a Dislike? It'll save time and speak to your students in a language they love.

Those of you not shopping for back to school: 'Fess up. You're a little sad not to be picking out a new Trapper Keeper, aren't you?
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  1. *happy sigh* I love school supply season. I love school supplies period, or office supplies, or anything like them.

    I bought myself some colored mechanical pencils from JetPens not long ago, and they make me so happy just to look at them.

    LOVE the "Like/Dislike" stamps!

  2. I'm currently drooling over a pack of 20 gel ink pens in assorted colors at Sam's Club. I'm trying to tell myself it's an unnecessary indulgence, but I think I'm losing that argument ...