Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dating While Geeky

by Danielle K.
Guest Blogger

Danielle's dating while geeky.
When should I tell him about my love for Harry Potter?

This is one of the great questions when you’re Dating While Geeky. We’ve had two great dates, and we’re in the middle of our third. So far we’ve talked about work and Mac computers and wine and the great city we live in. He asks me out for Saturday. But it’s our annual Harry Potter Birthday Party. I’m in a Meetup group that celebrates it every year. I have had it on my calendar for months. We’re going to play Quiddich. I’m going to eat the creative HP-themed cake one of our members makes. I’m going to try to hide from Harry Potter charades. And I’m going to make silly jokes based on spells when my drink is across the room from me. Accio drink!

But there doesn’t seem to be a very good answer to my question. Once I told a guy while we chatted on the phone trying to set up a date. It went something like this:

Him: So what are you up to today?

Me: Volunteering.

Him: For what?

Me: Making blankets for the Harry Potter Alliance.

Him: *long pause * Harry Potter? Like in the movies?

Accio butterbeer!
Or do I tell him around the third date when he asks why I’m not available on Sunday night? Yeah, that didn’t work so well either. Did he not ask me out again because I’m in my 30s, and I was going to the latest Harry Potter movie the night before at midnight?

Or do I wait until we’ve been involved for a while? That won’t work now, though, because I have a Time Turner, a wand, and art of Hermione kissing Ron before his first Quiddich match on display in my living room. (The Gryffindor scarf is in the closet.) But from some previous experience, even dating another Geek won’t prevent weirdness. Apparently Harry Potter is a “soft” fandom, and not “geeky” enough. (Geek elistism – there’s a topic for another day.)

It’s not like Harry is a threat, or potential boyfriend. (Or Draco. Or Ron. It’s possible Sirius and Lucius would be, though.) But how do you explain to a guy that his competition is not the Boy Who Lived, but the friends I have because him? That being a member of my local Harry Potter Alliance chapter, that working hard on a world-wide fan event Harry Potter Movie Re-View, that spending time with the friends I have made through my HP Meetup group – are very important to me. They are a big part of my life these days. Geeking out with them over Potter minutiae is one of my favorite things. The Potterverse has been there through a lot of tough times. 

But I guess this is one of the hazards of Dating While Geeky – that a potential suitor won’t get it. Or worse, will scoff at it. But then maybe that’s the answer – tell them, and if they don’t get it, I will know they don’t get me.

Danielle K. is a 30-something Harry Potter fan living near D.C. She enjoys photography and long walks on the beach., @dorogaya26.
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  1. the only thing I got out of this was: how do I join a Harry Potter Alliance? lol.
    I think that it should be sooner rather than later so that the guy (or girl, depending on preferences) knows what they're getting into! and yeah, if they can't accept that you're an HP nerd, than they can't accept you, so get rid of them!!! hahaha!!!

  2. If they don't love your nerdistry, they're not worth keeping around.

    *grumble* not enough geeky women as it is *grumble*

  3. Here's the Alliance's main site:

  4. I'm lucky. My husband introduced me to Harry Potter when we started dating in 1999, and he's been coming up with geeky things for me to read ever since!

  5. I'm lucky too! My boyfriend made me ever so much geekier. In fact, he's the one who has always perceived me as a geeky girl, whereas I thought every normal girl secretly loved genre fiction.

  6. I'm a pretty geeky girl of the fantasy books, Firefly, and Dr. Who genre while my boyfriend is more of the geek in 8-bit games, RPGs, and non-geeky activities like outdoor sports (whaaaaat? I can't sit here and read a book about a lady knight? I havvvve to go biking? Lol). He's been making me more RPG-y and I've totally gotten him into reading more and he's gotten me into playing video games more. I think we really clicked when we talked about how he dressed up for a midnight opening of HP movie 5.

    The right geek is out there and if he doesn't understand then he's not the right one. =D

  7. This was a great guest post. Gave me a lot to think about and it was fun. Thanks for sharing. Reminded me a little of Fever Pitch. : )

    My story: I can't remember exactly when I first talked about Harry Potter to The Boyfriend. From the start, he knew I was a writer who loved to read. And, because we talked endlessly, he also figured out early that I get super excited about geeky things.

    But when Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was coming out, he got a taste of how obsessed a fan I can be. I'd been dating The Boyfriend for less than six months. I told him flat out, "I will be doing NOTHING this weekend except for reading. I won't be seeing you, I won't be talking to you. I will be living on Harry Potter this weekend."

    We made it through that...and many other reading and video game "binge" weekends. He gets me, likes me for who I am, and that's why we work so well.

  8. Wonderful post was very happy reading the really important information for me thanks, I thought the man in the future. I will surely recommend this article with your friends, family and friends. You are really great so allowing good articles.