Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dating While Geeky - Right From The Start

I loved Danielle K's article on the right time to come out of the closet with your personal geek persuasion. Personally, I find my geekery has to come up from the get go.  I'm one of the few females that works in IT infrastructure - system admins, network, etc - and so I get a lot of lines from men who find a smart woman verrrry interesting.  Most of the lines seem pretty standard - like this is the Acme Standard Issue, All-Terrain Panty-Dropper #317.  ("I'm just looking for the right woman."  "Do you come here often?"  "I'm looking for something real.")  It's always weird to me that they try to go with the standard hearts and flowers sort of thing.  I have a Darth Tater on my desk, next to my Optimash Prime.  And yet, I also dress very girly, have long hair, keep my manicure perfect and if you've only ever dealt with me in a meeting or on the phone, maybe I could pass for 'normal.'

Newsflash:  I'm so not.

I think it must be tough for guys.  Standard lines that (I guess) must work on non-geeky women crash and burn with us, or at least with me. One guy who'd worked with me in passing for awhile started a conversation about movies.  Right away he went into saying that he liked movies about destiny and true love and fate. Ick, gag me. I'm like, "Oh.  My favorite movie is Aliens."  Well, that puts him in a tough position.  He can hardly say, "Oh, I was just bullshitting you about that lovey-kissy stuff" and then have a conversation about his actual likes.  Even though he knows and I know that he was indeed just bullshitting me about that lovey-kissy stuff, he's dead in the water.  In another instance, a few years back one guy asked me what I thought of Grey's Anatomy the previous evening.  I blinked at him and said, "Is that anime?"

So, how do you do it right?

Mutant and proud.
Maybe it takes more work with us.  For example, one guy noticed my IM status ("When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.") as a Heinlein quote.  He complimented me on it and then struck up a conversation about science fiction books which ended in us getting coffee that afternoon.  Another nice young man noted my potato heads and asked what my favorite Star Wars movie was before asking me if I'd like to have dinner with him sometime.  The most recent pitch was a guy asking me if I'd heard whether Midnight in Paris got good reviews.  I said I had no idea what that was but that I was looking forward to X-Men: First Class.  He rolled with it admirably and invited me to see it with him.  (Alas, I've got a boyfriend.)

I guess the main value is sincerity.  If you pretend to like something you don't, a geek girl is going to smell it a mile away and be unimpressed.  If you've noticed something about me - my taste in books, the fact that I clearly like Star Wars - and comment on it, it gets you a foot in the door.  All the kissy-face lines in the world don't add up to one knowledgeable remark about my beloved Potato Heads.

On the other hand, not every guy wants a geeky woman.

I've had 'normal' guys really be turned off by my geekery.  One really cute guy looked at Darth Tater and was like, "Is that, like, the Star Wars guy or something?"  My response was along the lines of, "Yeah...  Was there something you needed?"  It turned out there wasn't.  Good.  Darth Tater and I didn't need you anyway, pal. Either way, I can't imagine trying to explain my World of Warcraft addiction to that guy over dinner or discussing the ethics of humans assisting the Jaffa rebellion against the Goa'Uld.  No.

So, for me, it's gotta be up front and proud because I'd rather know from the get go that we're both okay with me being the geek that I gotta be.  Otherwise, we're both just wasting our time.
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  1. I'm a geek raised by geeks and hangs out with other geeks. I already know that the guy I start dating has to be okay with my love of Star Wars, Firefly and random sparks of uber-geekiness.

    I wear my geek badge of honor proudly and if you can't handle it, then you can't be down with me!

  2. Up =front and proud...and married to another geek. Better that way. He understands my David Carradine references and why I drool over alien/tech/freaky vampire movies. I'm not changing who I am, and it's better to have someone who LIKES it than someone who ignores it.

  3. I also like it to be up-front. It's much better if we know how geeky each other are before continuing the dating process.

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