Thursday, May 19, 2011
CDC Releases Official Preparedness Guide for the Zombie Apocalypse
At long last, the U.S. government is taking the threat of the undead horde seriously. Earlier this week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a preparedness guide for the zombie apocalypse, and it's crammed with information to help you survive when the nice old lady down the street is suddenly interested in consuming your brains.
The CDC's guide begins with a zombie primer that traces the undead menace from their Haitian voodoo origins to more recent zombification culprits, such as interstellar radiation and mutations of mad cow disease or rabies. The guide even cites the fictional medical article written by Harvard psychiatrist Steven Schoolman identifying Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome as the biological malady that caused the outbreak in The Night of the Living Dead.
The guide then outlines the CDC's plan of attack in the event of a zombie outbreak -- investigate, isolate and quarantine -- and it provides a list of necessary supplies for an emergency kit, including one gallon of water per person, per day; sanitation items such as bleach, soap and towels; and copies of important documents such as birth certificates and drivers licenses. I'm skeptical about the necessity of official documents in the ravaged, post-zombie wasteland, but the CDC officials are obviously more optimistic about their containment abilities than I am.
In all seriousness, the zombie preparedness guide has information that would be useful in the event of hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, tornadoes and a host of other disasters. But isn't it nice to know that somebody somewhere in the federal government has a sense of humor and a love of all things zombie? That's the person I want calling the shots when the undead finally rise up and walk the Earth.
Thanks to Michael S. for the tip!